I am a wanderer

As I become older, I  thought I understand everything because for the experiences that I’ve been through. But I was wrong. I think I just started. I learned from all my experience good and bad, but I still don’t know what I want to do with my life im still searching for that something that will give me the sense of responsibility to live my the life. Im still a wanderer, im like a ghost who can’t cross to the afterlife because I still have something to do. There is a big hole in my heart that I need to cover or heal but I don’t know where the cure is or I don’t know how to cure it. I can’t think of anything that will help myself to know or discover it.

 

Way back 2013 (first vacation)

After two years of contract here in Kuwait, the company that i work with give us 35-45 days of vacation with free ticket. 935846_577754255616321_1990064914_n  Chocolate Hills in Bohol Philippines

999833_577758415615905_297210115_nTaken in Panglao White beach bohol Philippines. If only its easy to go anywhere without any needs of money i will tour the whole Philippines and after the whole world.

 

start to feel hopeless

when i was in college i had my first serious relationship, i plan to get married at the age of 25 and have kids at 27, we will have a garden wedding or church wedding, i want my parents to experience the feeling of walking me to the aisle wearing my beautiful and simple white wedding dress and my groom will be teary eyed and feel  anxious and excited to take my hands from my parents. We will be happy and have a happy marriage. But as most plans, it didn’t happen. His whole family migrated in Canada, we communicated for 7 mos. and it ended.  We broke up because long distance relationship didn’t work out for us,  we’ve been together for almost five years. Its the most hurtful and at the same time cruel thing break-up experience because i was 25 years old when we ended our relationship. it takes me 2 years to move-on and forget the feelings i have for him. But sad to say i am single until now I’m turning 31 years old this coming march i will be evicted in the calendar, to be honest i enjoyed being single but i do feel the pressure of not being married and i miss the feeling of being taken. But again sad to say i am still single, i don’t have suitors,  i don’t even observed that anyone likes me. It makes me think that i should ready myself to become spinster, old maid or forever be with myself. It scares me a lot, i want to get married and have kids. I am now praying that God still have a spare man to give to me. i hope it will not be younger than me and i hope it will be loving, loyal, faithful and responsible and i bit good looking. :-)lieza