when i was in college i had my first serious relationship, i plan to get married at the age of 25 and have kids at 27, we will have a garden wedding or church wedding, i want my parents to experience the feeling of walking me to the aisle wearing my beautiful and simple white wedding dress and my groom will be teary eyed and feel anxious and excited to take my hands from my parents. We will be happy and have a happy marriage. But as most plans, it didn’t happen. His whole family migrated in Canada, we communicated for 7 mos. and it ended. We broke up because long distance relationship didn’t work out for us, we’ve been together for almost five years. Its the most hurtful and at the same time cruel thing break-up experience because i was 25 years old when we ended our relationship. it takes me 2 years to move-on and forget the feelings i have for him. But sad to say i am single until now I’m turning 31 years old this coming march i will be evicted in the calendar, to be honest i enjoyed being single but i do feel the pressure of not being married and i miss the feeling of being taken. But again sad to say i am still single, i don’t have suitors, i don’t even observed that anyone likes me. It makes me think that i should ready myself to become spinster, old maid or forever be with myself. It scares me a lot, i want to get married and have kids. I am now praying that God still have a spare man to give to me. i hope it will not be younger than me and i hope it will be loving, loyal, faithful and responsible and i bit good looking. :-)
I feel down today at work, insecurities hits me, I appreciate everything that I have, God bless me so much that I don’t even know what to do with it. I’m so confuse of what to do with my life anymore. I’m enjoying my life but I feel this emptiness, it kills me deep inside. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t have any sense of purpose. Im now scared to die knowing that I did’nt do anything in this world that will make me feel that I live greatly. I don’t understand myself, at work, I dont have any progress. In my family, I dont feel usefull. With my friends im not that one who can depend on.. I want to take something inside my brain to remove this kind of mentality and feelings. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me. I love my life but why im like this. What is wrong with me.